Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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