You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
