Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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