$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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