White coat. Heels.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
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