I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
