Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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