I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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