sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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