We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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