So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
