nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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