the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
