If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
