dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
