Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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