This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
