She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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