He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
