I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
