why didn't you poke me back
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize