OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
