Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
