man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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