he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
