i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
