Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I pour the whiskey from now on
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
