No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
