Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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