Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
