if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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