I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
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