One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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