I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
