We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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