Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
