we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
