My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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