i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
