"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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