I will die if light touches me.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
