i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
