so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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