Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
