We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize