i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
