at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
