God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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