Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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