I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
