If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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