I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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