1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
how drunk are you?
Several
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
