Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
