dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
