At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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