My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
