im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
