a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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