for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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