In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
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