My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
