we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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