i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
this boner is exhausting
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Randomize
