The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
