it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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