Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
